(Photo above by Allan Mas / Pexels)
When we’re trying to take care of ourselves, it’s easy to forget about others. But Jamil Zaki, a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Laboratory, confirms the importance of a key Buddhist ideal: Helping others is helping ourselves.
Self-care, now a billionaire-dollar industry, has become the go-to resource for addressing the struggles of daily life (especially during the pandemic). While various tips can be helpful, research shows that people who already struggle with loneliness have a tendency to isolate themselves. Removing connection with others makes it twice as hard to break through the difficulty of our own lives.
Zaki comments on the origins of the self-care movement as being much broader and focused much more than on the “self.” Promoted by Black women activists in the 1970s, self-care was practiced to counter the oppression they experience as Black people, especially as Black women.
The effort to care for themselves was connected to a larger purpose, to show others that their lives have value and to encourage others to practice that belief as well.
The effort to care for themselves was connected to a larger purpose, to show others that their lives have value and to encourage others to practice that belief as well.
Zaki explains:
People reported being more fulfilled on days they helped others, but only when they felt connected to why they were doing what they were doing, and to the person they were helping.
He continues:
Ultimately, the line between self-care and other-care is blurrier than we might realize. People are psychologically intertwined, such that helping others is a kindness to ourselves and watching over ourselves supports others.
The question becomes: How can I care for others when I can’t even take care of myself?
So, let’s go back to the original purpose of self-care, which is to practice a form of caring for ourselves out of a commitment to work toward a society that respects each person.
The theoretical framework of Buddhism confirms that the purpose of being born is to become happy. Buddhism teaches that we do not exist in isolation; happiness is something that is shared. By working to help others become happy, we double our own happiness.
With the support of our Buddhability community, we support one another to keep chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo for our own happiness, while supporting others.
The Buddhist philosopher Daisaku Ikeda, while understanding the challenges of daily life, shares:
When we look after and care for others—that is, help others draw forth their life force—our own life force increases. When we help people expand their state of life, our state of life also expands.
We don’t suffer simply because that’s “life” but because we have a larger purpose to also help others. Unless we struggle, how can we develop empathy and compassion for others? Rather than viewing our struggles as a weakness or burden, it can become the bridge to connect us to others. To show that no one is alone and together we can overcome anything.
If you’d like to hear about how this works, listen to Priya Gunaseharan’s story of how she found her own voice by helping her grandmother find hers.