(Photo above by Sabrina Lantos / HBO Max)
Don’t we all want the kind of love that Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov have? In the hit show “Heated Rivalry” you start to wonder if the rom-com type of love can be real for you.
Here are three ways a healthy relationship can contribute to experiencing real love.
First off, what’s a healthy relationship? The Buddhist philosopher Daisaku Ikeda describes it as follows:
A healthy relationship is one in which two people encourage each other to reach their respective goals while sharing each other’s hopes and dreams. A relationship should be a source of inspiration, invigoration and hope.
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It’s always helpful to be able to reflect on your relationship. Are you looking toward that person for validation? Or, looking forward together with shared goals and encouraging each other along the way.
Second, don’t mix up infatuation with real love.
Oftentimes, in the very beginning, it’s easy to get caught up in the “honeymoon” phase and lose sight of your goals. In some cases, even losing yourself in the relationship completely, only spending time with that person.
Ikeda cautions against this, advising:
No matter how much you may appear to be enjoying yourselves now, or how serious you think you are about your relationship, if you allow your love life to consume all your time and energy to the detriment of your growth, then you’re just playing a game.
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So, what should you keep in mind? Rather than allowing love to blind you, it’s important that the love pushes you to grow as an individual.
Lastly, what matters is your own inner strengthen and continuing to grow as a person.
Even if you’re with “the right person,” you still come with your fears, habits and self-worth into the relationship.
The Buddhist principle of the “oneness of life and its environment” teaches that your inner state impacts your external surroundings. So, when you elevate your life, your relationships are elevated too.
Real confidence is built from within—through developing your character, capacity and courage. Your Buddhist practice can help you build a strong inner core and foundation. And what’s more, in your Buddhist community, you have good friends who can uplift you in times of confusion or hardship.
Essentially, in our efforts to improve ourselves and grow, just like Ilya and Shane grew, we can create health relationships based on mutual encouragement and growth.
To the extent that we can do this, we can experience the kind of love that Ikeda describes:
If you genuinely love someone, then through your relationship with [them], you can develop into a person whose love extends to all humanity. Such a relationship serves to strengthen, elevate and enrich your inner realm of life. Ultimately, the relationships you form are a reflection of your own state of life. The same is true of friendship. Only to the extent that you polish yourselves now can you hope to develop wonderful bonds of the heart in the future.
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Enjoy chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo and growing to be in the type of relationship that everyone celebrates and brings you the greatest happiness!